It's so strange to talk and talk with someone, for months, to take him totally at face value, even to find so much common ground, to superimpose your own history on him, and then, one night, to realize that you have no idea, that you don't know this person at all, and that there is so much you have been leaving out yourself. And then, to finally say it, "Oh, this is what you should know about me," just remembering it yourself, realizing you are not an enlightened logic machine, passing absolute verdicts on all you see, but a person, with a history that has made and is making you who you are. to suddenly recognize that you have no idea at all who that is, that there are things you habitually edit out of yourself, not just the faults, but the good things too, the hope, to see that things are not as dreary, as lonely, as you go about thinking they are, that you know, that you have known all along, inside you, but forgotten. and it doesn't have to be true, not yet, but it is good to know that it is you. and to see for a moment the limits of your location in space and time, and to hear the good good news that there is life beyond and after them. to think for a moment that things could be different, that you would not be letting someone down by letting things be different, that it is ok to hope, to believe. that you do not have to be this or that, that deep down, you are just a person, and that that makes all the difference. to look right down into your soul, and to see something emerging through the haze, not something good or bad, but something knowable. to see, really see, yourself, to feel that strange and electrifying unity with yourself as you think you are and yourself as you try to appear and your self.
"Ain't it beautiful how life turned out?" -Sean McConnell
No comments:
Post a Comment