I mean, the truth is, I literally don't have time in the day to do all I need to do. I will probably never know whether if I did absolutely nothing besides go to class, read, and write, if then there would be enough time. But, as a human being, I also need some time with other human beings, right? And then time to just be by myself, to listen to music or watch Lost or unwind or even snoop around facebook and catch up on my friends' lives. I really don't feel like I should have to apologize or feel guilty for that. Sure, it shouldn't take my whole day, but it's something I need. My Dad demands a daily phone call, anywhere from 5 to 60 minutes. Eating and the occasional shower are also obvious time suckers, and I'm supposed to be doing my physical therapyfor about 30-45 minutes a day, everyday. And don't even get me started on sleep. I don't bother with cooking or cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, paying bills. No time!
And if I really don't have an option, then it's just not fair to beat myself up about it, right? I'm not a horrible student or a worthless human being for that fact. It just can't be. And also, it gives me a twinge of bitter indignation that life, that grad school, really, has put me in this spot, this spot where I am never enough. I will be the silent martyr and submit to their unrealistic demands, taking the blame for my failures, but really, I know that deep down it is your fault, Emory University, for asking this of me, it is you that have caused me to fail.
But really, I'm just a slow reader. That is probably the problem. I average about 10-15 pages an hour of academic reading, and that means 450 pages of reading takes me 30-40 hours. And maybe I can do that in a week, but I can't then 3 write papers and translate 30 Greek sentences and have questions prepared for class and actually be thinking about and making decisions for my future and forming relationships with professors and blah blah. So how bout you get off my back, huh?
No comments:
Post a Comment