Call me a heretic.

Thank God no one actually reads this blog. I mean, I know a few people do, but I have some hope in my heart that none of my really conservative friends read it. Most of my really embarrassingly honest posts about theology are deep in the archives, so that is lucky, although I'm sure they'll circle back around again. I just had an internet encounter with an old preacher man, and it made me sad. He states his understanding of God, as if stating it makes it true, but I remember that world. I remember when I believed things because somebody said them. And when I felt so dangerous dissenting. But I just don't buy it anymore, and I'm sorry, ok? It grieves me that I grieve you. It grieves me that you think I am part of the problem, that I am spreading "philosophical garbage" instead of CLINGING TO THE WORD. But the only reason I have for agreeing with you is to avoid disagreeing, and what kind of belief is that? And truthfully, I think you are willfully deceiving yourself and others by immediately dismissing what I say because it's different. What a surprise! A Christian who doesn't like something NEW!!

And you know what is crazy? If you try to show it to them from the Bible, that just makes them MORE angry! It feels like more of a crime, because you are stealing their Jesus from them! You are distorting and perverting the gospel. And there's nothing more despicable than that. And you know? I think Jesus would probably agree. And that's exactly why he would be so disappointed with you. Because you didn't bother listening to him. You fell for what your Church said.

I have been reading A Prayer for Owen Meany for the past week, and I swear, that book could be my salvation. Isn't that ridiculous? IT'S A NOVEL. But faith comes most naturally when you see it beautifully embodied in someone, and even though Owen is just a character, imagining that a faith like that, that a life like that could exist, it makes me want to believe.