And now cried Max let the wild rumpus start.

I tell you what. This has been a magical Christmas. I had not an ounce of Christmas spirit until about 4 pm on Christmas Eve, but it picked right up and things have been dandy.

Miss Chris told us about when she met Grandaddy. She said he called her one night and said she had to marry him that night because the last boat to paradise was leaving the next day, and she wouldn't travel with him unless they were married. And so she did, she married him that night. She thought that marrying a man with less than 24 hours notice was less scandalous than traveling with a boyfriend. She is a silly mo fo, and old. But she has the sweetest smile. Don't you love that old people were young once? What a mystery. "You come see me," she says. And I will.

And my cousin's wife, who called his mother my aunt an old bitch, who has been nothing but shitty for all eternity, she was nice today. We talked about my career opportunities, and she gave me some ideas. She is not-so-sweet home alabama through and through, but as long as she is nice, that is enough. People die for niceness, all we want is a little acceptance, it is the opiate of the relatives.

Aunt Tina made a picture book about the late great Grandma Edna. She was sad, because her sons are shits and her mother died, but she had a precious Christmas sweater on. Aunt Tina can always count on appearances to get her through. She looks most radiant when her life is most miserable, as if to say at least I am beautiful. And the picture book was a success, full success.

And, of course, Aunt Dorothy's cookies.

We gave Barbara, the future step-matriarch, little pieces of ourselves as presents. books, mostly. And she was moved by them. She only got us giant discs of Washington cheese, which she was embarrassed about, but we just wanted to show her love. And we did. Our family is growing to 7. Step mother, step mother, I will have to get used to saying it. I am stingy with the word mother, you see.

Here we come a wassailing. Have you ever had wassail? It is delicious.

Step sister is easier, I think. I almost had a sister once, but she died. I will be getting a live one soon. "We are family now," she said, before divulging secrets. Lots of divulging, and darts. laughing too, and yelling over music. giddiness about our many years to come. Last night, we went to their Episcopal church for their late night service, with the pomp and circumstance. Afterwards, the church bells rang out, clanging and banging through the city, a full 5 minutes of chaos and celebration. And Dad looked at me. and smiled. Can you believe this? his smile said. Here we are, his smile said.

I love when Aunt Chris laughs at me. Aunt Chris says less than I wish she said, but she laughs at all the right places. just like Mom did. I should visit her more. "We'll take ya to the beach," she said. Who could turn down a beach.

The future step-siblings shared 6 pitchers at the Speakeasy. I am swimming now. They were concerned about me driving home, but I told them what a great drunk-driver I am. Somehow, that never seems to comfort anyone. Will was telling me about Herodotus. Boring at first, but full of soap operas later on.

And a merry Christmas to your family, from the magic city.