Girly Man

I have been having an ongoing conversation with Nate about gendered movies, gendered music, gendered fill-in-the-blank, and I can't seem to quite get it through his head what I'm talking about. Did you know that in most cultures where gender is a primary organizing factor (i.e., most cultures), masculinity's #1 trait is simply the opposite of femininity? Men spend so much of their energy trying to demonstrate that they are not girls; that is (not exclusively, but in large part) what it means to be a man. And, from my observation, what is considered feminine is usually devalued, which comes out most subtly in "taste." I was trying to explain to Nate that this is why he doesn't like the movie Clueless. Clueless is actually a really smart movie. I'm not trying to make it into something it's not. It's a silly, valley-girl comedy, but it's also really quick and ironic in a lot of spots. And hey, if you don't like it, no skin off my back. But if you're a guy, and thinking of watching the movie Clueless with a room full of girls (and guys, for that matter) makes you nauseous, it's probably not because it's an awful movie; it's because it's a girly movie. and that means it should never be taken seriously. meaning, it should never be quoted like a Will Ferrell movie. And only a girlfriend has the right to periodically subject you to the torture of watching it, in which case you may be able to admit that it was "actually kind of funny in parts." You might feel the same way about Mean Girls, which is worse, in proportion to Mean Girls' comedic superiority over Clueless.

I don't feel marginalized by this. It doesn't bother me that Tight Pants John, asshole extraordinaire, walked in and said "What the fuck are you guys watching?" because fuck that guy. Mostly, I am just a little confused as to how men continue to allow their options to be so restricted and think they're somehow getting the better deal. Women get the best of both worlds. Since maleness is the norm, for a woman to like a "guy" movie is really just to be normal. But there are so many things that men never develop an appreciation for, without ever noticing, in the name of becoming a man. And you think it's just because all that stuff is lame, but there is no objective standard by which you can categorize something as lame, and if there were, it wouldn't be these movies. Your taste is not the standard.

I mean, it's understandable that since a movie isn't about you, or people like you, it won't affect you the same way it affects the kind of people it is about. If you, as, say, a white American, watch a movie about African Americans, or about Japanese people or Australians, you experience it as a 3rd person observer, and it will probably mean more, or something different, to an African American, a Japanese man, or an Australian. But see, when you watch these things, they can enrich you, they can teach you about people different than you and broaden your horizons. But if the movie is about women, it becomes something different. The more specifically feminine it is, the lamer it is, by the generic white man's standard (i.e., by the "normal" standard). It all the sudden gets a value judgment, and a really negative one. Why do you think that is? Call me a feminist, but I think it has a little something to do with power.

I mean, some men escape it. My dad likes romantic comedies and Celine Dion and all of it. Bud Winderweedle used to regularly quote Mean Girls. But I have yet to meet a man who likes Steel Magnolias or Hope Floats, which are both really rich and beautiful portraits of feminine southern strength that I get to love and appreciate, because I'm a woman. And that's where this almost gets upsetting, to me. when there's actually something really valuable being said, and you can't see it. But ok, you can't really fix it, and I recognize that. It's not your fault; it's been socialized into you, and ya like what ya like.

Just 2 things: 1) I have learned not to be embarrassed of these aspects of my "taste." I won't make you watch these movies, don't worry, but I also don't really plan on tolerating your mockery. and 2) Next time you fellas see a movie about women that you don't like, ask yourself why, and then maybe try to look for something worthwhile in it. If the movie is Monster-in-Law, or anything else starring J-Lo, I think you're totally justified. If it's Fried Green Tomatoes, you're just being a jackass. And if it's Bring It On, I totally understand, but I think you're missing out.

I think I'll go watch Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood right now...That one, I'm not as ready to fight for, but I just love anything with Ellen Burstyn. She is a genius.